Aww wow! This is the nicest message I’ve ever received! Thank you! But you don’t have to hide, how can I thank you properly? :)
"Chi pecora si fa, il lupo se la mangia"
I think that I will never be as pretty as my best friend. She has everything.
The perfect body, eyes, hair, smile, and a fun personality. Guys go for her more than me. Attractive ones too. Not one attractive guy has ever liked me. Why would they anyway, when I have a best friend who is more photogenic than me and has the body type that men like more. If it were between her and I and two guys had to choose which one to be their date, both of the guys would want her but the other guy would just settle for me. He would be dreaming of having her. Knowing me I would just let him go to her and walk away instead of just turning it into an awkward situation for both of us.
I know that maybe I should have more confidence in myself and work harder to be healthy, but it’s just hard when the motivation just isn’t there. I’ve been trying to do better, I really have. I think it’s even harder when I don’t have a close friend at home (my best friend lives in CT, me in MD) to really motivate me and help me want to get healthy and do better. But what kind of excuse is that, right? I should just do it myself. But I don’t know.
It’s always been hard for me to include myself in social situations. I had a bad experience…actually TWO bad experiences in high school during my freshman year when two girls both told me to back off. Before the first bell rang and everyone was at school, I tried to hang out with a girl from my Math class who I talked to a lot because she sat near me, and I think she wrote a note specifically telling me to not follow her around anymore. So I did. Then I tried hanging out with a friend who rode my bus. I’ve known her since elementary school. Then one day she tells me face to face that she doesn’t want me following her around. I think that at the time I laughed it off, but now that I think about it…it really hurt. It made me come to the conclusion that if this happened to me not once but TWO times, why should I even bother to include myself anymore? So I just stopped being social. I was shy to begin with anyway so it just made things a little worse for me. I still am. Now I’m diagnosed with depression and now have a history of cutting. What a life, right? :/
What’s interesting is that my best friend is the same way, she doesn’t like being social but how can she be when she has everything? I guess the prettiest of people are also insecure. It’s hard for me to imagine, but I don’t know what goes on in her head.
I guess at this point I can only hope that someday, things will get better (highly doubtful) but we’ll see.